Noble Pen Meeting

April 1, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

We have front row seats for this Theater of Mass Destruction. The Demolitions Committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of ten buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges, and those buildings will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this because Tyler knows this.
–Fight Club

Victories

Dylan received a helpful rejection, which is beter than an unhelpful rejection and not as good as an unhelpful acceptance, and better than a hastily scribbled note hung on the door of a bed and breakfast in Saskatchewan.

Dylan also re-published his novel as an e-book. Mummy fetishists everywhere rejoice!

Ian is having his students critique is worksheets. Their critiques have included phrases such as “Reply Hazy, Try Agan” and “Outlook Not So Good.”

News

Jeff Somers has put up a youtube video about the average day in the life of a professional author.

Housekeeping

I could not get in contact with Ciuin about this week, so assuming she has a backlog of homework after her illness, I’m going to give Dylan a slot this week and put her on for the 8th.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, April 1st. Happy Chef.

Noble Pen Meeting

March 25, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

“It is a little known fact the the so-called “Law of Gravity” was actually one of Sir Isaac “shecky” Newton’s best practical jokes, and it was such a wonderful knee-slapper that generations of teachers have devoted themselves to keeping the hoax alive. In truth, there is no such thing as “gravity.” Rather, the Great Earth Goddess sucks.”
–Bruce Bethke, Headcrash

“I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.”
–Eris, goddess of discord, from the Principia Discordia

Victories

Ciuin rewrote the front page copy for the IARMAC website. I just wish she wouldn’t cuss so much.

News

Here is a chart of what some famous writers did as day jobs. These guys were lightweights compared to Stephen King’s experience doing commercial laundry. Speaking of which, I think I’m going to go be sick now.

If you’ve been following the story of Canadian author Peter Watts, he was convicted of assaulting a federal officer today.

Mike Swift of the San Jose Mercury has a succinct article on the Google Books controversy.

Housekeeping

Notice some schedule changes two and three weeks out. Dylan, I bumped you up a week, I hope that’s okay.

Someone remind me to be better about getting the names of the pieces instead of just reserving the slot for the author. I’ve been really bad about that lately, sorry.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 25th. Happy Chef.

Noble Pen Meeting

March 18, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

When asked, “How do you write?” I invariably answer, “one word at a time.”
–Stephen King

He’s an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
–Brodie, Mallrats

Victories

Bill did some research on his new science fiction novel despite my insistance that facts are meaningless in the future.

Wendy is applying for a scholarship to the Philadelphia Writer’s Conference. I think it’s a football scholarship.

I E-mailed an editor, who may be dead.

News

Lynn Viehl has a funny blog entry on diseases you can catch from other writers.

Jennifer Hubbard has a short piece on tension.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 18th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

March 11, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

I didn’t get where I am today by selling ice cream tasting of bookends, pumice stone and West Germany.
–The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin

Bill: “I had a BM Stacker at Burger King once.”
Mike: “I think you mean a BK Stacker.”
Bill: “I stand by what I said.”
–RiffTrax, Transformers

Victories

Lena had a terrific letter to the editor in the Gazette about how Tiger Wood’s private life should be between him, his wife, the thousands of women he’s had sex with, and the millions of people he has emailed pictures of his genitalia. (I printed mine out and had it autographed at last year’s Bridgestone Invitational.)

Bill and I both read Ciuin’s reader copy of Petty Theft in a week.  I am too awed by how awesome it make up a joke, so instead, watch this cool video.

News

The Guardian has an interesting piece where they have put together different authors’ tips on writing.

Penguin has a pretty cool video about their upcoming interactive books.

In case you didn’t see the link up above, Lena’s letter is here.

Housekeeping

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so openminded about the new critique method. I thought this week was the best one yet.

I am assigning the 18th as a round table, so think about anything you may want to discuss.

The 25th is open right now.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 11th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

March 4, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die..
— Mel Brooks

Victories

George is working on a new project. He doesn’t know what it is yet. He will supply us with full details as soon as he hears back from himself.

Christine is in the top 1000 contestants for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. Currently, she is lamenting the exorbitant cost of  999 hitmen.

Ciuin has sent a completed Petty Theft to beta readers. I volunteered as a beta reader as I am already a beta male.

Dylan posted his commission piece to forums. Readers gushed over it. For those of you that don’t attend regularly, that’s an inside joke.  Get it? Inside? Oh, never mind.

News

Don’t read this. You will cry.

Rosemary Clement-Moore explains what writers can learn from the Winter Olympics.

It’s not news, but here’s Terry Pratchett telling a dirty joke.

Housekeeping

Again we tried the new critique method. I have not seen overwhelming complaints as of yet, so I’m letting it ride. I slightly altered the instructions to make them more clear.

1. Author is coned
2. We go around the table and everyone gives up to three positives and up to three things that need work
3. At this point the author is un-coned and should ask for any clarification.
4. Group conversation including author

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 4th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

February 25, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Pundits are always blaming TV for making people stupid, movies for desensitizing the world to violence, and rock music for making kids take drugs and kill themselves. These things should be the least of our worries. The main problem with mass media is that it makes it impossible to fall in love with any acumen of normalcy. There is no ‘normal,’ because everybody is being twisted by the same sources simultaneously.
— Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto

Victories

Dylan is submitting a short story to a cyberpunk romance collection, a genre in which the Blazing Saddles quote, “We’ll make Rock Ridge think it’s a chicken that got caught in a tractor’s nuts” actually makes sense.

Nick wrote the ending of his current manuscript, which will cease to be a secret in two weeks. I hope it’s a love story involving dolphins.

I sent out 2 queries, got one rejection, and followed up with and editor, to whom I may not have a current email address, or he just wont talk to me.

John joined the group and received a form rejection–the two events were deemed unrelated.

Lena read some of her stories to an audience and was well received. She received two tomatoes and three eggs.

News

The Intern tells you why editor’s email responses suck.

The BBC has some information about the current state of Google Books.

Housekeeping

We tried a new critique method this week, and it seemed to work pretty well.  We’re going to stick with it for the time being.

Here’s the rundown:

1. Author is coned
2. We go around the table and everyone gives up to three positives and up to three things that need work
3. Author has a chance to ask questions
4. Group conversation

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, February 25th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

February 18, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

THERE was death afoot in the darkness.

It crept furtively along a steel girder. Hundreds of feet below yawned glass-and-brick-walled cracks‚ New York streets. Down there, late workers scurried homeward. Most of them carried umbrellas, and did not glance upward.

Even had they looked, they probably would have noticed nothing. The night was black as a cave bat. Rain threshed down monotonously. The clammy sky was like an oppressive shroud wrapped around the tops of the tall buildings.

–Keneth Robeson, The Man of Bronze

Victories

Dylan got feedback on his commission piece. The commissioner only wanted a hairstyle changed. I think he’s one of these guys.

Nick donned a poncho, lit a cigarillo, and loaded his colt revolver to go in search of his missing manuscript. He also got to speak with the publisher of The Writer magazine about it.

News

An Iowa man was sentenced to six months after pleading guilty to possessing ‘obscene’ comic books. Without the guilty plea, he would have faced a 15 year sentence. Neil Gaiman weighed in on this case last year.

The New York Times has an interesting article on William Faulkner’s family history and its link to his novel, Go Down, Moses.

Housekeeping

A big thank-you to George for his work on the new member guide.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, February 18th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Shannon – Solomon’s Heist, Chapter 2. You know the drill, email or website.

Dylan – Flight of the Scions, Chapter 4.  Email or website.

Thursday, February 25th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

February 4, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

All those innocent contractors brought in to do the job were killed — casualties of a war they had nothing to do with. All right, look: you’re a roofer, some juicy government contract comes your way. You got a wife and kids, the two-story in suburbia. This is a government contract, which means all sorts of benefits. Along come these left-wing militants that blast everything within a three-mile radius with their lasers. You didn’t ask for that. You have no personal politics. You’re just trying to scrape out a living.
— Randal, Clerks

Victories

George has doubled traffic to his website. He’s doing a 12 part review of a musician’s work and that musician is reading his reviews–from George’s basement, where he is planning his bloody revenge.

Lena has been emailing with an agent and researching writing groups. She has also recently come back from the future to set things right that have previously gone wrong, which is nice.

A Little Housekeeping

New member handout
A new member  came to us after finding a Legion Arts calendar from 2004 and backtracking us through Ron. Because she never found our website she was unclear on what we do and what to expect. Because I was trying to juggle eating supper, running the meeting, and taking notes, I am afraid I did not do a great job of answering all her questions.

While I am on vacation this week. I’ll find some time to write up a new member handout, and then I will bring it in for group critique before finalizing it.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, February 4th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Lena – Some short fiction pieces.

Dylan – Chapter 2 of his piece. Email him for a copy or visit his website.

Thursday, February 11th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Open

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon