All posts by sryan

The Pumpkin Smashing Noble Pen Newsletter, November 4th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

November 4th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

The darkest souls are not those which choose to exist within the hell of the abyss, but those which choose to break free from the abyss and move silently among us.

– Dr. Samuel Loomis

Victories

Bob read a few of his stories at Van Buren Elementary. Those poor kids.

Tyree had an epiphany on one of his old stories. I hope in involved Martin Van Buren.

This was probably George’s last meeting, but he showed up anyway. We’ll miss you George Van Buren.

Housekeeping

I am going to schedule new critiques on November 4th, so if you can’t make the meeting, email me with your request.

News

Two days to Nano!

Barnes and Noble is coming out with a full-color, back-lit Nook. The price $250, other details in the article.

Behold! An ancient form rejection letter, and even rarer, a movie studio turning down a script for being unoriginal.

Upcoming Schedule

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Tyree

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Smack Talking Noble Pen Newsletter, October 28th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

October 28th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.
–Hunter S. Thompson, 1977

Victories

I submitted a piece to Tyree. He didn’t read it.

Tony submitted Rogue Musician to Asimov’s. He also got an apology from Flash Fiction Online for not getting to his piece before he had withdrawn it.

Tyree’s second Nyx novel is available now. During his last two conventions, he had $1100 in sales for Sam’s Dot. And he was asked to write two pieces of dark fiction for an editor. This is probably why he hasn’t read my submission.

News

IO9 points out what sucks about Heinlein’s 5 rules of writing. Personally, I think Heinlein was talking out of his ass 80% of the time, an assertion which can be backed up by commonalities in his semi-autobiographical characters.

In The Millions, Matt Stewart talks about how to build good author karma.

Pimp My Novel, has an article about publish myths.

Dave sent me a list of some helpful writing websites:
http://www.expert-editor.com/
http://www.fictionfactor.com/
http://absolutewrite.com/

Upcoming Schedule

October 28
Tyree
(1)Shannon
Kris

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Tyree

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Naturally Occurring Noble Pen Newsletter, October 21st, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

October 21th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Ebershoff: Working with Gary [Shteynpgart] has been a singular experience.
Interviewer: Because of his voice and style?
Ebershoff: No, because he demands his advance be pain entirely in smoked meat, pickled tomatoes, and three recently graduated debutantes from Mount Holyoke.
Super Sad True Love Story Book Trailer

Victories

Tony wrote 6000 words in 2 days. I’d suggest he try Nanowritmo, but he probably can’t slow down that much.

George is going to be in a round-table discussion on the new Ubuntu release. Of course with LINUX geeks it has to be a round table so they can all pat each other on the backs for making such a great choice.

News

Borders will also have an ebook self-publish service. Their service still won’t make your book better.

The Plain Writing Act of 2009 was signed into law this week. The new law calls for public documents to use “Writing that is clear, concise, well-organized, and follows other best practices appropriate to the subject or field and intended audience.” I’m anus-peptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious.

Housekeeping

Thank You to George

Hopefully, most of you know that George set up, managed, and paid for our wonderful website. Through his efforts, my job was a lot easier.

Call for a Volunteer

Now that George is going away, I need a more technically savvy penite to take care of the management side of things. The job would entail maintaining the WordPress based site so I can focus on content and being a second (more responsible) person to keep track of passwords and handle hosting issues.

Upcoming Schedule

October 21
Shannon
(1)Nick
(1)Mark

October 28
Tyree
(1)Shannon
(1)Dylan

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Looking for Volunteer

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Need Volunteer

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Hornswaggling Noble Pen Newsletter, October 14th 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

October 14th, 2010
The Family Restaurant formerly known as Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Those who are regular followers of the doings of Arthur Dent  may have  received  an  impression of his character and habits which, while it includes the truth  and,  of  course,  nothing  but  the truth,  falls  somewhat  short,  in its composition, of the whole truth in all its glorious aspects.

And the reasons for this are  obvious.  Editing,  selection,  the need  to  balance  that  which  is interesting with that which is relevant and cut out all the tedious happenstance.

Like this for instance. “Arthur Dent went to bed. He went up  the stairs, all fifteen of them, opened the door, went into his room, took off his shoes and socks and then all the rest of his clothes one  by one and left them in a neatly crumpled heap on the floor.  He put on his pyjamas, the blue ones with the stripe.  He  washed his  face  and  hands,  cleaned  his teeth, went to the lavatory, realized that he had once again got this all in the wrong  order, had  to wash his hands again and went to bed. He read for fifteen minutes, spending the first ten minutes of that  trying  to  work out  where  in the book he had got to the previous night, then he turned out the light and within a minute or so more was asleep.

“It was dark. He lay on his left side for a good hour…

It’s guff. It doesn’t advance the action. It makes for  nice  fat books  such  as  the  American  market thrives on, but it doesn’t actually get you anywhere. You don’t, in short, want to know.

–Douglas Adams, So Long and Thanks For All the Fish

Editor’s note: Condensed as it is, this quote is a little longer than usual, but it’s a good example of when not to show everything. If you wish to read the whole passage, it is the beginning of Chapter 25.

Victories

Colin joined us.

At 126,000 words, Kris finished her novel on Tuesday at 1:30 in the morning, which is probably one of the better things a person can be doing at that time of day.

Dylan finished the first draft of Flight, but he was voted out of his writing contest and forced to burn his bikini top.

Tony’s story The Tunnels of St. Lucy’s will make an appearance in a Sams Dot publication, but his most recent flash fiction piece was rejected.

Ciuin has gotten a professional referral to two agents. Perhaps soon, people around the world will be crying like a little girl with a skinned knee, as I did as I read the final chapters.

News

I was going to show you How to Become an Writer – The Loser’s Guide, but it hit too close to home.

This is how a writer applies for a job: Hunter S. Thompson’s 1958 cover letter to the Vancouver Sun.

Some guy in South American won the Noble Prize in Literature but OMG THE NEW YORK POST FOUND THE HAND MODEL FROM THE TWILIGHT COVER. I’m speechless.

Housekeeping

Scheduling

Okay, I have completed part of of my plan for scheduling in rounds, and hopefully, the new schedule will make sense and seem fair to everyone. I put a (1) next to the people who asked for slots in round one and a (2) next to people who asked for a slot last night.

I still might have to shift around round 2 a bit, because I have not heard back from Tyree who is out of state.

Upcoming Schedule

October 14th
Tony
Ciuin
Dave

October 21
Shannon
(1)Nick
(1)Mark

October 28
Tyree
(1)Shannon
(1)Dylan

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Looking for Volunteer

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Need Volunteer

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Virtually Relocated Noble Pen Newsletter, September 30th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

September 30, 2010
The Family Restaurant formerly known as Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Robert: I don’t believe it. It’s Bill.

Mark: Okay, just be cool, don’t stare, you’ll go blind.

Robert: And he’s perusing porno. All right! I gotta go over there and talk to him, man!

Mark: A… wha… wha… no. All over the world, from as far off as the Caspian sea, people have been running up to Bill and acting like idiots. Why must you be one of them?

Robert: Because NOW it’s MY turn! I mean, don’t you want to go over there and talk to him and see what he’s like? I mean William Shatner made us who we are today!

Mark: Do you want to insult the man? Respect his space.

Robert: I do respect his space: it’s the final frontier…

Free Enterprise

Victories

We were joined by Kris and Kelly(sp?)

Tyree’s fourth novel, Nyx II, will arrive from the printer about fifteen minutes after he leaves for Mississippi.

Tony’s story The Tunnels of St. Lucy’s may be appearing shortly in a Sams Dot publication. Why is it the pieces which don’t get my advice that always do the best?

Tony also withdrew his piece from Flash Fiction Online and sent it to Science Fiction Daily. I believe the process is much like this.

News

Nanowrimo is just over a month away. Cut off your friends now.

In an odd turn of events, Harlan Ellison has announced his death. When questioned on why he was going to die, the author responded, “An old dog senses when it’s his time — dogs have that capacity; nobody doubts that. Nobody. But everybody doubts when you say, ‘I’m dying.’ They think you’re being a Victorian actress. They think you’re doing Bernhardt.”

Housekeeping

Happy Chef is Dead. Long Live the Chef of Indeterminable Emotion.

For those of you who weren’t around last week, we have good and bad news about the Happy Chef. They will shut their doors Tuesday night, but they will re-open Thursday, in time for our next meeting, with as Scott’s. The upshot of this is as long as we are welcome we will not be moving. There is, however, bad news. With the reorganization, some of the staff are being let go, including Loretta, who even made us treats at the last meeting.

Homework

If everyone could bring a pen or pencil (plus one for those who don’t read this) next week, that would be great.

Upcoming Schedule

September 30th
Ian
Dylan
Educational Programming — Shannon

October 7th
Tony
Ciuin
Bob

October 14th
Shannon
Nick
Mark

October 21
Tyree
Tony
Dylan

October 28
Bob
Shannon
Educational – Looking for Volunteer

November 4
Tyree

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Allotment Shedding Noble Pen Newsletter, September 23rd, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

September 23, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids (for now)

“Why are we drinking Zima? It’s beyond irony. It’s not funny or anything. It’s just gross. Why not just serve us jugs of Hitler’s piss instead?”
“Drinking Zima is something Douglas Coupland would make a character do.”
“To what end?”
“It’d be a device that would allow him to locate the characters in time and a specific sort of culture.”
–Douglas Coupland, jPod

Victories

Julia has signed up for a writing class at Kirkwood and came to check us out.

Tyree’s lesbian werewolf story has been accepted to an anthology, while my were-carp snuff story remains unsold, and I thought it would be like shooting fish in a barrel.

Tony sent a follow-up query to Flash Fiction Online, who are letting his story ripen like a batch of kimchi.

Ciuin has written her last story of City Revealed. I predict this will be their Waterloo, or at least their Cedar Falls.

News

This list of grammar tips helped me realize I was incorrectly using i.e. when I should have been using e.g.

Nathan Bransford gives advice on how to deal with contradictory query advice.

Housekeeping

Scheduling

Taking many of your suggestions on scheduling into consideration, I kludged together a tweak of our old system. Here’s how it works.

When we get within a month of having an empty slot, I ask who wants a slot and record the names of everyone who wants one along with date constraints (e.g. I can’t make it the 28th.) These names constitute a “round” of critiques. I try to fit them in in a sensible order. When we run within a month of empty slots again, I will start a new round.

New scheduled critiques (the first round) are indicated below by an asterisk(*). Hopefully, I got everything right, but if not, we can reshuffle.

* I managed to spell asterisk correctly–first try!

Upcoming Schedule

September 23rd
Dylan
Bob
Dave

September 30th
Ian
Dylan
Educational Programming — Shannon

October 7th
Tony
Ciuin
Bob

October 14th
Shannon
*Nick
*Mark

October 21
Tyree
*Tony
*Dylan

October 28
*Bob
*Shannon
Educational – Looking for Volunteer

November 4
*Tyree

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Mothra-Fighting Noble Pen Newsletter, September 16th 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

September 16th, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

You’re going to listen to *me*? To something that *I* said? Hell, most of the time I’m just talking out of my ass… or sticking my hand in it.
-Brody Bruce, Mallrats

Victories

I submitted Fangs for Nothing to the ICON Writers’ Workshop. They already accepted it, because they will take literally anything which comes in first. Well, okay, not literally anything. I don’t think they would have accepted naked pictures of Hugh Hefner.

Ciuin told stories at the New Bohemia Festival, including original stories. She got positive feedback from the audience, which we can reasonably assume were not recently release from a psychiatric institution.

The magazine which accepted Nick’s photograph came out, and as a special bonus, they printed his picture in invisible ink and didn’t tell him which page it was on.

News

A political science professor writes an article about academic writing which still has some interesting point

NPR says books are sold through word of mouth. Originally, I read that as word of moth, which sounds intriguing, but would probably not be too effective.

Upcoming Schedule

September 16th
Tony
Nick
Mark

September 23rd
Dylan
Bob
Dave

September 30th
Ian
Dylan
Educational Programming — Shannon

October 7th
Tony
Ciuin
Bob

October 14th
Shannon
Tyree
Open slot


Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Day Laboring Noble Pen Newsletter, September 9th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

September 9nd, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Drop your weapons. You’re surrounded by armed bastards.
–Gene Hunt, Life on Mars

He had found a Nutri-Matic machine which had provided him with a plastic cup filled with a liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea.
–Douglas Adam, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

These T-shirts were tested on animals. They didn’t fit.
Merchandise from BBC’s Top Gear

Victories

Nick had two rejections from the same magazine. The second one was just a crude drawing of an Italian hand gesture.

Ciuin started a blog and is writing or pasting in something new every day. Looks like she’s already behind. Taunt her.

Tyree lent a book to Ciuin who has not returned it yet–if she did, the door would keep blowing closed.

News

Sir Terry Pratchett talks about dealing with death while writing fantasy.

Editor and writing coach Daphne Gray-Grant writes about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective Writers.

Upcoming Schedule

September 9th
Tyree
Dylan
Shannon

September 16th
Tony
Nick
Mark

September 23rd
Dylan
Bob
Dave

September 30th
Ian
Dylan
Educational Programming — Shannon

October 7th
Tony
Ciuin
Bob

October 14th
Shannon
Tyree
Open slot


Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Tree Traversing Noble Pen Newsletter, September 2nd 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

September 2nd, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

My name is Victoria Winters. My journey is beginning, a journey that I hope will open the doors of life to me and link my past with my future, a journey that will bring me to a strange and dark place, to the edge of the sea, high atop Widows’ Hill, a house called Collinwood, a world I’ve never known, with people I’ve never met, people who tonight are still only shadows in my mind, but who will soon fill the days and nights of my tomorrows.
–Opening Monologue, Dark Shadows, Episode 1, 1966

Victories

Ciuin has been asked to take a class which will make her a writing fellow. I think this means we’ll have to address her as “My fine fellow.”

Dylan got a reader’s choice and editor’s choice for his last contest entry. He also has a new commission. It’s a sick world out there.

Tony was able to struggle through and prepare his chapter for next week, despite the ongoing Mafia Wars. Why can’t the mafias just get along?

Housekeeping

We decided on 3 changes to scheduling last week.

1. We will be going to 3 critiques a week, starting September 9th. I am going to adjust the schedule below. Please note your new dates and tell me if there are any changes you need made.

B. We will suspend scheduling for the next few weeks to make room for further discussion and see how the 3 per week works.

Pi. We will return to scheduling at least one educational program per month instead of just scheduling when we have an empty slot. I’m volunteering for the first slot, there’s been something I wanted to try all summer.

News

Janet Reid posted something older than God. I still find it very funny.

Character, character, character, character, character, character. Oh, and did I mention character?

Upcoming Schedule

September 2nd
Nick
Tony

September 9th
Tyree
Dylan
Shannon

September 16th
Tony
Dave
Mark

September 23rd
Dylan
Bob
Nick

September 30th
Ian
Dylan
Educational Programming — Shannon

October 7th
Tony
Ciuin
Bob

October 14th
Shannon
Tyree
Open slot


Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Butter Churning Noble Pen Newsletter, August 26th 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

August 26th, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Artists are people who say I can’t fix my country or my state or my city, or even my marriage. But by golly, I can make this square of canvas, or this eight and a half by eleven piece of paper, or this lump of clay or these twelve bars of music, exactly what they ought to be.
–Kurt Vonnegut, Timequake

Victories

Nick got back the professional critique of his cowboy novel. His condition is listed as stable.

Dave got paid for writing, not just the promise of, but actual money.

Ciuin sent Petty Theft to an agent, who seems very interested. I am immediately adding more Nazis to all my stories.

Tony thanks everyone for the fine comments on his last chapter, which he has already acted upon–in a good way, no stomping or cursing or anything.

Rachel has returned to school and is, by now, studying commercial music, which I think involves using all four chords.

Housekeeping

Now that we have grown to around a dozen regular and semi-regular members, maybe we need to readdress how we do scheduling. I want to keep it relatively simple, but make it a little less random. I’m just throwing this out as an idea, to see what people think.

I’m thinking of a 2 round lottery type system, where on the first meeting of every month we assign slots for the next month.

In the first round, we would hand out numbers to people who do not have a piece scheduled for the current month, and have about 50% attendance.

If any slots are left, we will open up a second round to anyone else who wants a slot.

News

From The New York Times, via George, an interesting article about the world of music recording which makes an interesting point on the dangers of too much copyright.

As someone who has sent hundreds of emails to agents, I know they make mistakes, because frankly, I rule. I’m also very humble.

Upcoming Schedule

August 26th

Shannon – Fangs 3
Tyree – Nyx 3,  Chapter 4

September 2nd
Nick
Tony

September 9th
Tyree
Dylan

September 16th
Tony
Dave

September 23rd
Shannon
Mark

September 30th
Dylan
Bob

October 7th
Nick
Ian

October 14th
Dylan
Tony

October 21st
Ciuin
Bob

October 28th
Tyree
Shannon

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon