Noble Pen Meeting

May 6th, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Novels for me are how I find out what’s going on in my own head. And so that’s a really useful and indeed critical thing to do when you do as many of these other things as I do.
–Cory Doctorow

Victories

Dylan’s side projects continue to stay up  in the down economy. He just received a commission for a 15,000 word short story.

News

Behold the EPIC PUBLISHING INFOGRAPHIC.

Why agents pass on your queries. See, I said “pass.”

Upcoming Schedule

Noble Pen Meeting

April 29th, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

“Empire” had the better ending. Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader is his father, uh, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that’s what life is, a series of down endings. All “Jedi” had was a bunch of Muppets.
-Dante, Clerks

While Miss Tarabotti was a proper English young lady, aside from not having a soul and being half Italian, she did spend quite a bit more time than most other young ladies riding and walking and was therefore unexpectedly strong.
– Gail Carriger, Soulless

Victories

Nick is still looking for a good editor for his western. I am still looking for a TARDIS or at least a balloon.

Lena was asked by the Linn-newsletter to write a story about her trip. Her dog will be writing a rebuttal.

News

IO9 looks at the worst Science Fiction and Fantasy book covers. I particularly like Conquest of the Amazon.

Authors talk trash.

Upcoming Schedule

Noble Pen Meeting

April 22nd, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Bill: The only true knowledge is knowing that you know nothing.
Ted: Dude, that’s us!
– Bill and Ted’s Excellant Adventure

We thought something would happen.
We thought something would happen… something…
Rock ‘n Roll was played for the first time in Public Middle School #4. But…
Not a damn thing happened…
– 20th Century Boys

Victories

Christine was accepted into the 8-week Iowa Writer’s Workshop summer class with James Alan McPherson, who is not the James McPerson who writes books about the civil war but the James McPherson known for fiction short stories. It is unknown whether he invented the McPherson strut, defined as a stiff but sexy gait and not to be confused with the MacPherson strut, a type of car suspension which uses the axis of a telescopic damper as the upper steering pivot.

News

In seismic news, a volcano limited New York’s access to the London Book Fair.

Carlisle Cullen is the richest fictional man alive. I guess Scrooge McDuck just doesn’t have the clout he used to.

In a head-scratching mood, The Library of Congress has announced plans to achieve every Twitter message. So soon, the Library of Congress with have a picture of Danny Devito shirtless.

Upcoming Schedule

Noble Pen Meeting

April 15, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Special effects are really just a tool–a means to help tell the story… A special effect without a story is really a boring thing.
– George Lucas

Live every week like it’s Shark Week.
-Tracy Jordan

Victories

Dylan submitted a cowboy story to a small press. [Insert your favorite Western double entendre.]

News

At an Apple event yesterday, Steve Jobs claimed 600,000 books had already been sold for the iPad.

At the Harvard Business School, Peter Olson, formerly of Random House, has an interesting commentary on the state of the industry.

Upcoming Schedule

Noble Pen Meeting

April 8, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

If I lose the light of the sun, I will write by candlelight, moonlight, no light. If I lose paper and ink, I will write in blood on forgotten walls. I will write always. I will capture nights all over the world and bring them to you.
–Henry Rollins

Victories

Dylan won first prize in a writing contest. His prize was a scarf and a trip to Tatooine in a ship which can make the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs.

Nick is actively seeking an editor for his new novel. His previous plan of kidnapping a homeless person and making them do the edits didn’t work out, as his kidnap victim was weak with gerundive phrases.

News

IO9 has a good rundown of the Google Book settlement.

Agent Nathan Bransford has a video on pitching.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, April 8th. Happy Chef.

Noble Pen Meeting

April 1, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

We have front row seats for this Theater of Mass Destruction. The Demolitions Committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of ten buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes, primary charges will blow base charges, and those buildings will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this because Tyler knows this.
–Fight Club

Victories

Dylan received a helpful rejection, which is beter than an unhelpful rejection and not as good as an unhelpful acceptance, and better than a hastily scribbled note hung on the door of a bed and breakfast in Saskatchewan.

Dylan also re-published his novel as an e-book. Mummy fetishists everywhere rejoice!

Ian is having his students critique is worksheets. Their critiques have included phrases such as “Reply Hazy, Try Agan” and “Outlook Not So Good.”

News

Jeff Somers has put up a youtube video about the average day in the life of a professional author.

Housekeeping

I could not get in contact with Ciuin about this week, so assuming she has a backlog of homework after her illness, I’m going to give Dylan a slot this week and put her on for the 8th.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, April 1st. Happy Chef.

Noble Pen Meeting

March 25, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

“It is a little known fact the the so-called “Law of Gravity” was actually one of Sir Isaac “shecky” Newton’s best practical jokes, and it was such a wonderful knee-slapper that generations of teachers have devoted themselves to keeping the hoax alive. In truth, there is no such thing as “gravity.” Rather, the Great Earth Goddess sucks.”
–Bruce Bethke, Headcrash

“I am chaos. I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms. I am the spirit with which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy. I am chaos. I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.”
–Eris, goddess of discord, from the Principia Discordia

Victories

Ciuin rewrote the front page copy for the IARMAC website. I just wish she wouldn’t cuss so much.

News

Here is a chart of what some famous writers did as day jobs. These guys were lightweights compared to Stephen King’s experience doing commercial laundry. Speaking of which, I think I’m going to go be sick now.

If you’ve been following the story of Canadian author Peter Watts, he was convicted of assaulting a federal officer today.

Mike Swift of the San Jose Mercury has a succinct article on the Google Books controversy.

Housekeeping

Notice some schedule changes two and three weeks out. Dylan, I bumped you up a week, I hope that’s okay.

Someone remind me to be better about getting the names of the pieces instead of just reserving the slot for the author. I’ve been really bad about that lately, sorry.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 25th. Happy Chef.

Noble Pen Meeting

March 18, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

When asked, “How do you write?” I invariably answer, “one word at a time.”
–Stephen King

He’s an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth’s yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him.
–Brodie, Mallrats

Victories

Bill did some research on his new science fiction novel despite my insistance that facts are meaningless in the future.

Wendy is applying for a scholarship to the Philadelphia Writer’s Conference. I think it’s a football scholarship.

I E-mailed an editor, who may be dead.

News

Lynn Viehl has a funny blog entry on diseases you can catch from other writers.

Jennifer Hubbard has a short piece on tension.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 18th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

March 11, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

I didn’t get where I am today by selling ice cream tasting of bookends, pumice stone and West Germany.
–The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin

Bill: “I had a BM Stacker at Burger King once.”
Mike: “I think you mean a BK Stacker.”
Bill: “I stand by what I said.”
–RiffTrax, Transformers

Victories

Lena had a terrific letter to the editor in the Gazette about how Tiger Wood’s private life should be between him, his wife, the thousands of women he’s had sex with, and the millions of people he has emailed pictures of his genitalia. (I printed mine out and had it autographed at last year’s Bridgestone Invitational.)

Bill and I both read Ciuin’s reader copy of Petty Theft in a week.  I am too awed by how awesome it make up a joke, so instead, watch this cool video.

News

The Guardian has an interesting piece where they have put together different authors’ tips on writing.

Penguin has a pretty cool video about their upcoming interactive books.

In case you didn’t see the link up above, Lena’s letter is here.

Housekeeping

I just wanted to thank everyone for being so openminded about the new critique method. I thought this week was the best one yet.

I am assigning the 18th as a round table, so think about anything you may want to discuss.

The 25th is open right now.

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 11th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique

Noble Pen Meeting

March 4, 2010
Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die..
— Mel Brooks

Victories

George is working on a new project. He doesn’t know what it is yet. He will supply us with full details as soon as he hears back from himself.

Christine is in the top 1000 contestants for the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award. Currently, she is lamenting the exorbitant cost of  999 hitmen.

Ciuin has sent a completed Petty Theft to beta readers. I volunteered as a beta reader as I am already a beta male.

Dylan posted his commission piece to forums. Readers gushed over it. For those of you that don’t attend regularly, that’s an inside joke.  Get it? Inside? Oh, never mind.

News

Don’t read this. You will cry.

Rosemary Clement-Moore explains what writers can learn from the Winter Olympics.

It’s not news, but here’s Terry Pratchett telling a dirty joke.

Housekeeping

Again we tried the new critique method. I have not seen overwhelming complaints as of yet, so I’m letting it ride. I slightly altered the instructions to make them more clear.

1. Author is coned
2. We go around the table and everyone gives up to three positives and up to three things that need work
3. At this point the author is un-coned and should ask for any clarification.
4. Group conversation including author

Upcoming Schedule

Thursday, March 4th. Happy Chef, 7pm Welcome and Victories, 7:30pm Critique