Category Archives: Newsletters

This is the weekly newsletters for the Noble Pen Writer’s Group.

The Steak Paining Noble Pen Newsletter, December 30th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

December 30th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Christmas crept into Pine Cove like a creeping Christmas thing: dragging garland, ribbon, and sleigh bells, oozing eggnog, reeking of pine, and threatening festive doom like a cold sore under the mistletoe.
–Christopher Moore, The Stupidest Angel.

Victories

Keith joined us.

Ciuin has a gratis editor as long as she can spend a month hounding the poor woman.

Tony’s done his homework for next time, finishing Chapter Seven with a plum. Well, maybe with a plum. I don’t really know what he snacks on.

I’ve started a novel about drunk ghost hunters. I am researching heavily.

News

CONTEST: Convozine has a “Notes From Tomorrow” contest, taking submissions until Dec. 31st.

A peevish editor shares his 10 top peeves.

A nice list of blogs for writers.

Upcoming Schedule

December 30th
(3) Tony
(3) Shannon
(3) Bob

January 6th
(3) Kris
(4) Nick
Educational Bit — Volunteer?

January 13th
(3) Kelly
(3) Tyree
(4) Dave

January 20th
(4) Tyree
(4) Mark
(4) Kris

January 27th
(4) Shannon
(4) Ciuin
Something Educational — Volunteer?

Feb 3rd
(5) Nick
(5) Mark
(5) Shannon

Feb 10th
(5) Kris
(5) Tony
(5) Kelly

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Loosely Bottled Noble Pen Newsletter, December 16th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

December 16th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

The seat received him in a loose and distant kind of way, like an aunt who disapproves of the last fifteen years of your life and will therefore furnish you with a basic sherry, but refuses to catch your eye.
–Douglas Adams, Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency.

Victories

Dylan got invited to an informal writer’s get-together in Paris. He didn’t mention whether it was Paris France or Paris Illinois.

I finished my rough re-write of Fangs, coming in at around 65,000 words. I am currently using it to blackmail Tony Blair.

Tyree re-opened a book he hand’t worked on in ten years. Hopefully he’s learned something in that time.

Tony finished an entire chapter in 2.5 days. The chapter is also being used to blackmail Tony Blair, but in an entirely different way.

News

Health.com says writing may be hazardous to your health. What it only causes tons of stress while encouraging you to sit in a chair for hours at a time.

Here is a video about how the New York Times Bestseller list works.

Oh no. It looks like Borders may be circling the drain.

Upcoming Schedule

December 16th
(3) Nick
(3) Ciuin
(3) Mark

December 23rd – Off.

December 30th
(3) Tony
(3) Shannon
(3) Bob

January 6th
(3) Kris
(4) Nick
Educational Bit — Volunteer?

January 13th
(3) Kelly
(3) Tyree
(4) Dave

January 20th
(4) Tyree
(4) Mark
(4) Kris

January 27th
(4) Shannon
(4) Ciuin
Something Educational — Volunteer?

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Oat Branded Noble Pen Newsletter, December 9th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

December 9th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Rimmer: Step up to Red Alert!

Kryten: Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.

–Grant Naylor, Red Dwarf

Victories

Tyree and one of his editors have put together 10 pages of notes on a new story called “Till the Poles Shift,” about a religious sect who believe the dead will rise in 2012, but apparently, only the Polish ones.

Artsiest Initiative contacted Ciuin about putting together a Holocaust display for a museum in Great Britain (see map).

News

Savannah J. Foley wrote an interesting article about the gulf between beginning and published authors.

Natalie Whipple writes about the pain of the submission process. The article is so good, I started reading it and almost forgot to send out this post.

Upcoming Schedule

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

December 16th
(3) Nick
(3) Ciuin
(3) Mark

December 23rd – Off.

December 30th
(3) Tony
(3) Shannon
(3) Bob

January 6th
(3) Kris
(4) Nick
Educational Bit — Volunteer?

January 13th
(3) Kelly
(3) Tyree
(4) Dave

January 20th
(4) Tyree
(4) Mark
(4) Kris

January 27th
(4) Shannon
(4) Ciuin

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Ninja Yodeling Noble Pen Newsletter, December 2nd 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

December 2nd, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Negroes Land on Moon

Talk about getting lost! Wallace Jefferson and Louis Hayes, both negroes, have wandered all the way to the moon!

The hapless pair entered lunar orbit late yesterday afternoon and finally landed on the surface of the moon several hours later. They plan to return later this week.

The incident is not a total tragedy. “We may want to talk with these negroes,” said NASA mission commander Deke Slayton. “Their mishap may just help us in our goal to land a man on the moon by the end of the decade.”

—The Old Negro Space Program

Victories

CJ checked up out and may join the group when he has more time in the summer.

Tony’s Rouge Musician got rejected by Asimov’s, but what do they know? Actually, probably quite a bit.

Dylan got a critique for a short story for which he has been waiting for 10 months. Next time, he’s shooting for 12.

Ciuin is writing for the Artsiest Initiative against Romaphobia and anti-Tziganism. She will be helping with design and writing for their WWII holocaust website. In other news, I learned three new words today.

Six Noble Pen members submitted pieces to the Drabble contest.

News

J. N. Duncan has learned that people don’t always read the books they review on Amazon. Next, he’ll be telling me people don’t really like Bristol Palin’s dancing.

Blah, blah, blah, e-readers, blah, blah.

Upcoming Schedule

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

December 16th
(3) Nick
(3) Ciuin
(3) Mark

December 23rd – Off.

December 30th
(3) Tony
(3) Shannon
(3) Bob

January 6th
(3) Kris
(3) Tyree
Educational Bit — Volunteer?

January 13th
(3) Kelly

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Robot Cleaning Noble Pen Newsletter, November 18th 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

November 18th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

The story began several years ago at the dawn of the twenty-first century. Artemis Fowl had devised a plan to restore his family’s fortune. A plan that could topple civilizations and plunge the planet into a cross-species war.

He was twelve years old at the time …
–Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer

NaNoWriMo

Is anyone out there Nanoing? If you are, reply to this email with your word count and tell us about your piece.

Victories

Dylan and I attended the ICON Writers Workshop. This was such an honor that two of the people who made it into the workshop failed to show up.

Tyree will be receiving a story from Joe Haldeman for Aoifen’s Kiss. Hopefully it will be as good as Robot Jox.

Ciuine was rejected by an Agent, but will never be by us.

News

Dark Highlands is a new bi-annual journal based in the Quad Cities. They are looking for Horror, Dark Fantasy, and Supernatural. http://www.darkhighlands.com/

Authonomy, a website created by Harper Collins has a ton of writing tips: http://www.authonomy.com/writing-tips/

From a site called “Best College Online” (What?) comes a list of 12 Essential Ted Talks for writers.

From the Onion AV Club, 30 books with fictional authors.

Upcoming Schedule

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

December 16th
(3) Nick
(3) Ciuin
(3) Mark

December 23rd <— Should we meet or bump down?
(3) Tyree
(3) Shannon
(3) Bob

December 30th
(3) Kris
(3) Tony
Educational Bit — Volunteer?

January 6th
(3) Kelly

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Hover Crafting Noble Pen Newsletter, November 11, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

November 11th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Engineers are all basically high-functioning autistics who have no idea how normal people do stuff.

–Cory Doctorow, Little Brother

Victories

George showed up one more time-to get some money owed him.

Dylan finished a commission. I had no idea you could do that with rutabaga.

Ciuin wrote 2000 words in one day, while tap dancing.

Tyree’s lesbian werewolf story will be coming out soon. Pun intended. And he got another story accepted this week.

Housekeeping

I am going to schedule new critiques on November 4th, so if you can’t make the meeting, email me with your request.

News

Be careful what you write about your old coworkers.

I’m going to call that good for news because Cory Doctorow is in town and ICON 35 is going to start in a few hours.

Upcoming Schedule

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

December 16th
(3) Nick
(3) Ciuin
(3) Mark

December 23rd <— Should we meet or bump down?
(3) Tyree
(3) Shannon
(3) Bob

December 30th
(3) Kris
(3) Tony
Educational Bit — Volunteer?

January 6th
(3) Kelly

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Pumpkin Smashing Noble Pen Newsletter, November 4th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

November 4th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

The darkest souls are not those which choose to exist within the hell of the abyss, but those which choose to break free from the abyss and move silently among us.

– Dr. Samuel Loomis

Victories

Bob read a few of his stories at Van Buren Elementary. Those poor kids.

Tyree had an epiphany on one of his old stories. I hope in involved Martin Van Buren.

This was probably George’s last meeting, but he showed up anyway. We’ll miss you George Van Buren.

Housekeeping

I am going to schedule new critiques on November 4th, so if you can’t make the meeting, email me with your request.

News

Two days to Nano!

Barnes and Noble is coming out with a full-color, back-lit Nook. The price $250, other details in the article.

Behold! An ancient form rejection letter, and even rarer, a movie studio turning down a script for being unoriginal.

Upcoming Schedule

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Tyree

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Smack Talking Noble Pen Newsletter, October 28th, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

October 28th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.
–Hunter S. Thompson, 1977

Victories

I submitted a piece to Tyree. He didn’t read it.

Tony submitted Rogue Musician to Asimov’s. He also got an apology from Flash Fiction Online for not getting to his piece before he had withdrawn it.

Tyree’s second Nyx novel is available now. During his last two conventions, he had $1100 in sales for Sam’s Dot. And he was asked to write two pieces of dark fiction for an editor. This is probably why he hasn’t read my submission.

News

IO9 points out what sucks about Heinlein’s 5 rules of writing. Personally, I think Heinlein was talking out of his ass 80% of the time, an assertion which can be backed up by commonalities in his semi-autobiographical characters.

In The Millions, Matt Stewart talks about how to build good author karma.

Pimp My Novel, has an article about publish myths.

Dave sent me a list of some helpful writing websites:
http://www.expert-editor.com/
http://www.fictionfactor.com/
http://absolutewrite.com/

Upcoming Schedule

October 28
Tyree
(1)Shannon
Kris

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Tyree

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Nick

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Naturally Occurring Noble Pen Newsletter, October 21st, 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

October 21th, 2010
Scott’s Family Restaurant
1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Ebershoff: Working with Gary [Shteynpgart] has been a singular experience.
Interviewer: Because of his voice and style?
Ebershoff: No, because he demands his advance be pain entirely in smoked meat, pickled tomatoes, and three recently graduated debutantes from Mount Holyoke.
—Super Sad True Love Story Book Trailer

Victories

Tony wrote 6000 words in 2 days. I’d suggest he try Nanowritmo, but he probably can’t slow down that much.

George is going to be in a round-table discussion on the new Ubuntu release. Of course with LINUX geeks it has to be a round table so they can all pat each other on the backs for making such a great choice.

News

Borders will also have an ebook self-publish service. Their service still won’t make your book better.

The Plain Writing Act of 2009 was signed into law this week. The new law calls for public documents to use “Writing that is clear, concise, well-organized, and follows other best practices appropriate to the subject or field and intended audience.” I’m anus-peptic, phrasmotic, even compunctious.

Housekeeping

Thank You to George

Hopefully, most of you know that George set up, managed, and paid for our wonderful website. Through his efforts, my job was a lot easier.

Call for a Volunteer

Now that George is going away, I need a more technically savvy penite to take care of the management side of things. The job would entail maintaining the WordPress based site so I can focus on content and being a second (more responsible) person to keep track of passwords and handle hosting issues.

Upcoming Schedule

October 21
Shannon
(1)Nick
(1)Mark

October 28
Tyree
(1)Shannon
(1)Dylan

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Looking for Volunteer

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Need Volunteer

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon

The Hornswaggling Noble Pen Newsletter, October 14th 2010

Noble Pen Meeting

October 14th, 2010
The Family Restaurant formerly known as Happy Chef, 1906 Blairs Ferry Rd NE, Cedar Rapids

Those who are regular followers of the doings of Arthur Dent  may have  received  an  impression of his character and habits which, while it includes the truth  and,  of  course,  nothing  but  the truth,  falls  somewhat  short,  in its composition, of the whole truth in all its glorious aspects.

And the reasons for this are  obvious.  Editing,  selection,  the need  to  balance  that  which  is interesting with that which is relevant and cut out all the tedious happenstance.

Like this for instance. “Arthur Dent went to bed. He went up  the stairs, all fifteen of them, opened the door, went into his room, took off his shoes and socks and then all the rest of his clothes one  by one and left them in a neatly crumpled heap on the floor.  He put on his pyjamas, the blue ones with the stripe.  He  washed his  face  and  hands,  cleaned  his teeth, went to the lavatory, realized that he had once again got this all in the wrong  order, had  to wash his hands again and went to bed. He read for fifteen minutes, spending the first ten minutes of that  trying  to  work out  where  in the book he had got to the previous night, then he turned out the light and within a minute or so more was asleep.

“It was dark. He lay on his left side for a good hour…

It’s guff. It doesn’t advance the action. It makes for  nice  fat books  such  as  the  American  market thrives on, but it doesn’t actually get you anywhere. You don’t, in short, want to know.

–Douglas Adams, So Long and Thanks For All the Fish

Editor’s note: Condensed as it is, this quote is a little longer than usual, but it’s a good example of when not to show everything. If you wish to read the whole passage, it is the beginning of Chapter 25.

Victories

Colin joined us.

At 126,000 words, Kris finished her novel on Tuesday at 1:30 in the morning, which is probably one of the better things a person can be doing at that time of day.

Dylan finished the first draft of Flight, but he was voted out of his writing contest and forced to burn his bikini top.

Tony’s story The Tunnels of St. Lucy’s will make an appearance in a Sams Dot publication, but his most recent flash fiction piece was rejected.

Ciuin has gotten a professional referral to two agents. Perhaps soon, people around the world will be crying like a little girl with a skinned knee, as I did as I read the final chapters.

News

I was going to show you How to Become an Writer – The Loser’s Guide, but it hit too close to home.

This is how a writer applies for a job: Hunter S. Thompson’s 1958 cover letter to the Vancouver Sun.

Some guy in South American won the Noble Prize in Literature but OMG THE NEW YORK POST FOUND THE HAND MODEL FROM THE TWILIGHT COVER. I’m speechless.

Housekeeping

Scheduling

Okay, I have completed part of of my plan for scheduling in rounds, and hopefully, the new schedule will make sense and seem fair to everyone. I put a (1) next to the people who asked for slots in round one and a (2) next to people who asked for a slot last night.

I still might have to shift around round 2 a bit, because I have not heard back from Tyree who is out of state.

Upcoming Schedule

October 14th
Tony
Ciuin
Dave

October 21
Shannon
(1)Nick
(1)Mark

October 28
Tyree
(1)Shannon
(1)Dylan

November 4
(1)Bob
(1)Tony
Educational – Looking for Volunteer

November 11th
(1)Tyree
(2) Ciuin
(2) Kris

November 18th
(2) Nick
(2) Bob
(2) Dylan

November 25th – Off for Thanksgiving.

December 2nd
(2) Shannon
(2) Dylan
Educational- Need Volunteer

December 9th
(2) Tyree
(2) Dave
(2) Tony

Keep Writing, Penites.

Shannon